What is your most important thing?

the best comfort is comfort itself.

this sentence was said to Caitou. When I saw it, I was standing at the door of my mother's hometown in Hunan. There was a red and purple sunset in front of me, and there were no crescent moons and stars that could be seen at night. There is everything in my hometown, but there is no WIFI, so I have to spend most of the day thinking about life.

I went back to Hunan because my grandfather died on the afternoon of September 30 last year.

his departure is a bit tragic. I wrote it last year, but I still want to write it again today. On the night of

29, he suddenly woke up from a dream and called my uncle into the room. As soon as he entered the door, Grandpa asked, "is it the first day tomorrow?"

Uncle said, "Today is the 29 and tomorrow is the 30th."

Grandpa asked again, "I remember tomorrow is the first."

Uncle replied, "you remember wrong."

"Oh." Grandpa answered, seemed to be thinking something, and then fell asleep.

he called his uncle twice that night, asking the same question, and his answer was the same: "you remember wrong, tomorrow is the thirtieth."

on the afternoon of the 30th, Grandpa never got up again and fell asleep.

my mother burst into tears that day. She staggered up to me and shouted to me with her cell phone: "your grandfather is gone, why doesn't he just wait for us?" Why can't you wait one more day? Why? "

I didn't answer my mother, but stood upright and motionless.

later I learned that Grandpa was critically ill as early as September, and he was aware of his body, so he didn't want to go to the hospital to be tortured again, and we also knew that foreign countries might not make it through the National Day. So my mother called him several times in early September and told him: "when the National Day comes back with your grandchildren, they will have a holiday on the 30th. As soon as we get home, we will set out and arrive late at night."

I still remember that after I finished, my mother handed me the phone. I took it to my ear and said, "Grandpa, we'll be back on National Day."

Grandpa called my name with a smile on the other side of the phone and said, "OK."

but Grandpa misremembered the day. He took "29" as "30" and thought that his daughters would come home on the night of the 29th, so he had the scene of talking to my uncle.

do you believe in human will?

I believe. Grandpa made it to what he thought was the "30th", not even one more day.

because something happened suddenly, a cousin stayed in Guangzhou on the 30th of last year, and my mother and her sisters couldn't wait, so we drove to Hunan without waiting for him to come back.

on this year's National Day, my cousin followed us back.

he knelt in front of his grandfather's grave and burst into tears. Before going up the mountain, he told us how simple the facilities were. When he really reached the front of the loess, he could not speak.

he scolded himself for being unfilial and ignorant last year. If he hadn't been thinking about his part-time job on the 30th, he would have returned home on the 28th of the previous year, but missed his grandfather's last meeting because of the few hundred yuan.

The impressively beautiful wedding dresses for women over 40 is on the most affordable sale. There are massive collections on sale now!

when he came back this time, he cried and asked, "excuse me, Grandpa, can you forgive me?"

We stood beside him and dared not answer this question for Grandpa.

then we walked the dirt road for nearly half an hour back to the old house, and companionship became the only way for me to comfort him. Because there are some questions, it does not have an answer, no matter how reasonable and meaningful the standard answer prepared by others is, it is not its own answer. So even if it is right, it cannot convince itself.

it's just some questions, and you have to be in a particular situation before you can find that answer.

I talked to my cousin about this question that night, and he said, "you know, I was relieved after I asked. I don't hate myself anymore." At that moment, I suddenly realized that what I should do is not to regret, but to be nice to you, that is, my loved ones. "

(sunset taken on the highway back to Dongguan from Hunan)

II.

recently I was reading Memoirs of Literature by Mu Xin. The title of my favorite article is "the Last lesson". He said that it was a lesson he taught when he was 60 or 70 years old. At that time, Mu Xin and his students were at Chen Danqing's home in New York. They started with the relationship between literature and people, and then talked about life and death.

Mu Xin quotes Andre Gide as saying: "one should always have a kind of earnest death."

he said that the way to be a man is to understand that people are going to die.

because we are bound to die, we have to think about what to do when we are alive.

Young people buy cosmetics from McDonald's, buy clothes after they buy cosmetics, and then buy cars and buildings when they are older. They always want to take things out of their bodies, knowing that they can't take anything with them when they die, but still want to possess them. This is called greed.

because of greed, young people do a lot of things that they do not have to do, thinking that it is called "diligence". In fact, they forget themselves, forget the nature of life, forget the people around them, and forget important things.

so get rid of the small goals that don't matter, remember that "people are going to die", and then leave more time and room for people and important things around you.

what do you want to do most at the moment, writing? Photography? Painting?

or something that doesn't even have a professional term.

who do you miss most at the moment, parents? Sisters? Grandma and grandpa?

it's the same girl /boy you met today.

that's all I can do for you. Besides, it's broken. You have your own answer. Ask yourself.